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Consultation for Concerned Others

Are you worried about a student?

Family, friends, faculty, and staff may consult with CAPS staff regarding a student they are concerned about. Call 847-491-2151 and ask to speak to the on-call counselor. While CAPS is required by law to keep client information and relationships confidential, we can consult about how to approach the situation and help you connect your student to resources. 

If a student is experiencing situations such as these, you should immediately seek assistance: 

To seek assistance during normal office hours (8:30AM-5:00PM M-F), call CAPS at 847-491-2151.  

After-hours, call the CAPS mainline number at 847-491-2151 and press “0” at the menu to be connected to our after-hours support service.  

 

Please do not hesitate to reach out to CAPS if you have questions about supporting a student. Here’s what you can expect when you call CAPS for a consultation: 

Signs of Distress

A very important element to keep in mind regarding signs of distress is a student’s change in behavior. For example, a student who does not usually actively participate in class is not as much cause for concern as a student who once used to actively participate, but now no longer speaks in class. 

Academic Indicators 

  • Serious grade problems or a decline in quality of work, especially if they used to be a good student 
  • Excessive absences, especially if they previously had consistent attendance 
  • Unusual or markedly changed patterns of interaction 
  • Excessive anxiety when called upon  
  • Avoiding participation after being active during discussion 
  • Dominating discussions after being quiet during discussion 
  • Repeated requests for accommodations, such as deadline extensions  
  • Excessive contact with you, an advisor, or supervisor 

Physical Indicators 

  • Dramatic changes in appearance, grooming, hygiene, and personal care 
  • Weight and appetite changes (gain or loss of weight/appetite) 
  • Changes in sleeping patterns (e.g., sleeping too much or too little, showing signs of being tired, falling asleep in class) 
  • Excessive use of alcohol or other substances 
  • Difficulty with memory, attention, or concentration 
  • Strange manner of speech (unusually soft, loud, fast, slow, garbled or slurred speech) 
  • Signs of self-injury 

Behavioral Indicators 

  • A depressed, lethargic mood, suggested by sad expression, low motivation, tearfulness or crying, hopelessness 
  • Excessive worry, agitation, irritability, aggressiveness 
  • Inability to communicate clearly (e.g., garbled, slurred speech; unconnected, disjointed, or rambling thoughts) 
  • Loose or incoherent thought patterns, has difficulty focusing thoughts, or displays nonsensical conversation patterns 
  • Displays extreme suspiciousness or irrational fears of persecution (e.g., withdrawal from social situations, does not allow others to be close, believes they are being watched or followed, etc.) 
  • Hearing voices or seeing things that no one else sees or hears 
  • Exhibits behaviors or emotions that are markedly inappropriate or disruptive to the situation
 

Risk Indicators. While all the behaviors above can be signs that a student is struggling, those listed below may suggest more serious concern. If you observe these risk indicators, we encourage you to contact CAPS to consult. 

  • Shows signs of injury to self, (e.g., cuts, bruises, or sprains) 
  • Talking explicitly about hopelessness, death, or suicide 
  • Loss of contact with reality (e.g., seeing or hearing things that others cannot see or hear; beliefs or actions greatly at odds with reality) 
  • Inappropriate communications (including threatening letters, e-mails, harassment) 
  • Violent or disturbing written work 
  • Threats to harm others 
  • Stalking behaviors 

Tips for Faculty & Staff

As faculty members, teaching assistants, or staff members in residence halls or academic departments, students may sometimes turn to you for support when they are struggling. You might also observe that a student is having personal problems that are interfering with their academic success or daily life, or a classmate might come to you with concerns about another student. Your role as a faculty or staff member can be a positive and crucial one in identifying students who are in distress and assisting them to find the resources available to help. 

We know that it can feel overwhelming or intimidating to support a student when they come to you in their time of need. But you do not have to be a mental health professional to offer support. If you are worried about a student’s safety, it is okay and even helpful to ask them directly if they are thinking about ending their life. When in doubt, call CAPS at 847-491-2151, or consult with your colleagues if you believe that may be helpful. 

Guidelines For Supporting Students 
  • Invite the student to a space away from others when you have adequate time for a discussion (e.g., your office, private Zoom call). Be careful of who else might be able to hear the conversation. 
  • Ask open-ended questions (e.g., “I noticed you seemed upset in class today. You mentioned before that you were having a hard time, is there anything you’d like to talk about?”). 
  • Listen carefully and actively; ask follow-up questions if needed. 
  • Do not swear yourself to secrecy or promise confidentiality. 
  • Avoid jumping into problem-solving mode, even when you can see a solution. 
  • Respect the student’s values and beliefs, even if they do not align with your own. 
  • You may feel an urge to offer encouragement. However, avoid using overgeneralized statements (e.g., “everything will be all right,” “it will get better soon,” “don’t worry too much”). Instead, try “I can see this is taking a toll on you. How can I help?” 
  • Try to use specific, nonjudgmental phrases that reflect your concern for the student’s well-being (e.g., “I’m sorry to hear that, I want you to know that I am here for you, and I want to help if I can.”). 
  • Focus on aspects of their concerns that are manageable and controllable.  
  • Connect the student to activities and people they have found supportive in the past (e.g., “What’s helped when you’ve felt like this before?”). 
  • It's okay and normal if these conversations feel awkward or make you anxious. It's not about saying the exact right thing, it’s about the student knowing that what they’re going through matters to you. 
  • If you are worried the student may be feeling suicidal, the best thing to do is ask them directly. We know this sounds scary, but people often report a sense of relief when asked about their suicidal thoughts directly. It lets them know you can handle it. 
  • De-stigmatize struggling and normalize seeking help. There are lots of ways to do this, but one of the easiest ways to do this is to talk about a time you sought help. 
  • Offer to do what you can in supporting them (e.g., walking them over to CAPS, looking up contact information, checking in in the next few days, being available to talk after their first appointment). We tend to undervalue the support we provide, but even the smallest gestures can mean a lot to someone. 

Tips for Family & Friends

It’s far easier for someone to express their anger, anxiety, depression, or even thoughts of suicide to someone who they are close to. Because of this, a student’s family members, friends, and other close confidants are likely to be some of the first people a student turns to when they are having these kinds of thoughts. 

When someone close to you is struggling, we know that it can be scary or sometimes overwhelming to provide support. You might be worried about messing up and making things even worse. However, even if you are not a mental health professional, you can still offer some support. Your role in providing support and connecting them to resources can be crucial in their mental health journey, and it’s not something that you should have to do alone. CAPS is here to help. Call us at 847-491-2151 and ask to speak to the on-call counselor if you have concerns about a student. 

Parents can find more resources for supporting their children here 

Guidelines for Supporting Students 
  • Invite the student to a space away from others when you have adequate time for a discussion (e.g., your residence hall, private study room). Be careful of who else might be able to hear the conversation. 
  • Ask open-ended questions (e.g., “I noticed you seemed upset lately. You mentioned before that you were having a hard time, is there anything you’d like to talk about?”). 
  • Listen carefully and actively; ask follow-up questions if needed. 
  • Do not swear yourself to secrecy or promise confidentiality. 
  • Avoid jumping into problem-solving mode, even when you can see a solution. 
  • Respect the student’s values and beliefs, even if they do not align with your own. 
  • You may feel an urge to offer encouragement. However, avoid using overgeneralized statements (e.g., “everything will be all right,” “it will get better soon,” “don’t worry too much”). Instead, try “I can see this is taking a toll on you. How can I help?” 
  • Try to use specific, nonjudgmental phrases that reflect your concern for the student’s well-being (e.g., “I’m sorry to hear that, I want you to know that I am here for you, and I want to help if I can.”). 
  • Focus on aspects of their concerns that are manageable and controllable.  
  • Connect the student to activities and people they have found supportive in the past (e.g., “What’s helped when you’ve felt like this before?”). 
  • We know it can be really hard to see a loved one in pain. What people generally need in these situations is to be heard and to have space to find their way through that. Your job is to make sure they don’t have to go through it alone. 
  • If you are worried the student may be feeling suicidal, the best thing to do is ask them directly. We know this sounds scary, but people often report a sense of relief when asked about their suicidal thoughts directly. It lets them know you can handle it. 
  • De-stigmatize struggling and normalize seeking help. There are lots of ways to do this, but one of the easiest ways to do this is to talk about a time you sought help. 
  • Offer to do what you can in supporting them (e.g., walking them over to CAPS, looking up contact information, checking in in the next few days, being available to talk after their first appointment). We tend to undervalue the support we provide, but even the smallest gestures can mean a lot to someone.